Run the redlights.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

3:31 PM

Two interesting things that happened on the way home:
1. I saw 2 Nanyangers at Causeway Point. The sister (when she saw my uniform) was like

Oh My God (insert brother's name which I forgot)

The brother was damn bo chap and said, "I know."
2. The wind was very strong. ._. As the the very very very strong type :)
Never mind.
Anyway,
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Guess what? :D
6J WON THE DABATE!
HAPPY HAPPY!
shrieked can!! But my shriek was drowned out by the other shrieks. Wahaha :)) 6J so popular hor!
-cough cough-
Ego lor me.
Never mind. My heart was like palpitating like hell lor! And then my vision got really blurry and stuff. Like I going to faint like that!
Then I fake-fainted on YS's table and she pushed my head away lor!
D:!!!
So mean one she! D: What if I really fainted leh?
Anyway, her stuff fell from the table 'cos it collapsed.
Kuakuakua!
Sidenote: I'm watching this variety show now, and Jolin Tsai is making the hosts do some split thingy. ROFL.
Tee.
Anyway I think the vice-principal who was the Guest-of-Honour reads Ariel's blog you know! Or at least heard of her ranting or something 'cos when it was Ariel's turn to speak she was like so excited and eager (Ariel, please do not feel overly smug about this hor! -.-) can.
And then she kept asking Mrs. Social Studies stuff which I suspect were related to Ariel. And then after a bit hor, Mrs. SS suddenly point to me leh!!!
?
Probably telling the VP that I was Ariel's friend or something ._.
So self-conscious lor.
Anyway, me and YS were trying to sneak peeks at the judges' comments (actually only one leh). I shall not disclose anymore. :)
Wahaa.
After the debate we went to class. A while later,
Etsy said Ariel was going to her house until 7.30 p.m. (the time her father could pick her up) to discuss/do the Graduation powerpoint thingy.
I was surprised (not 'cos of the 7.30 p.m. thing but) because I was also part of the team doing the aforementioned powerpoint thing and I was not informed of this discussion/visit.
So I asked why I wasn't invited. Either Etsy ignored me/didn't hear my questions/didn't take me seriously (damn it).
Hopefully not the last one.
I emoed until now 'cos of that you know. D: (Actually a bit 'cos I'm the reserve of the reserve and the reserve got a trophy and I didn't even though I did participate in a debate. But this is only a minor thing.)
After that I stayed back, hoping she would invite me. I know at this point of time you're wondering why I didn't ask again, loudly or something.
I admit, I was scared of failure.
Scared that Etsuko might refuse and then I would be crushed. Devastated.
Scared that she might think I was 不要脸 (shameless).
I know. I'm a wimp.
So I hung around. I waited until Etsuko and Ariel had eaten and stuff, walked to the bus stop with them etc.
And sent SMSes to her even though I was walking with her hinting at my wish to be invited.
I know. I damn shameless right.
-shakes head-
Such a wimp.
D:
I'm damn ashamed of myself you know.
Also, as Dumbledore said, optimism to the point of foolishness.
OK anyway, at the busstop my bus came so I had to go. Biting my lip. All that (i.e. staying back etc.) just to be invited to her house.
How lame is that.
In the bus I sent an SMS to Ariel so that she could be my messenger or something. (tortoise me D:)
Here it reads:

Tell me when you reached her house!
Thank you.
Also tell her that since she conveniently forgot that i am also a volunteer, she might want to send me the pictures as 陈老师 told you guys to.

陈老师 is our form teacher, and the pictures are for putting on the slides.
I realize my grammar is off but ignore that, would you? :)
Notice that in this SMS my tone is more sarcastic than if I were talking to her straight-on. Me being a wimpy tortoise and all. -saddeD:-
Erm this is Ariel's reply:

Okay toe :-)

My reply to her reply after my bus ride home:

Have you told her yet?

Ariel:

Yep. Arrived toe :-)

Me:

How did she react?

(Expecting the worst D:)
Ariel:

Said that 陈老师 had asked us to do

(I'm assuming 'us' means Etsuko and Ariel)
*
Alright at this point I was damn damn damn pissed.
Really. A point I would like to raise:
Why was I not informed of this?! As in, if 陈老师 asked you guys to do, then shouldn't you tell me at the very least? I only know that I had volunteered, 陈老师 asked all three of us to do, then after a few days asked you guys to send me the pictures when you guys received them ('cos I had to run to catch my school bus). A simple call or SMS will do! Is ten or twelve words - 陈老师 asked us to do graduation powerpoint slides(, not you) - that difficult to freaking type/write/say?
Plus I'm really sick of Ariel's attitude can! She just stands at the side. When I asked her why I wasn't informed she goes and say SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Don't know then ask lah!
*
I really am tired D:
Even my best friend does nothing to help me. My other friends are nice when they want to hang out but when I am serious about doing something they give me freaking vague answers or say I'm not serious or anything.
Please lor! Think about it. Have you guys given me a chance? Do you think I like to be known as a clown, someone for you to laugh at? You call me 'attention-seeking' but do you think I like to seek attention? Nobody's giving me my due attention!
Everyone deserves some form of it! I don't! The people whom you dislike, you talk about. The people whom you like, you talk about. What about me? Ariel calls me toe. Plip. You think I like that? You think I don't want to be known as Fiona?
The VP knows Ariel. Do you think I want to be known as Ariel's friend? Lots of people know Etsuko and YX. Etsuko's friend? YX's friend? No! I want to be known as Fiona!
Yesterday to help you guys prepare for the debate, trying to organise when the damn team bloody needs it, nobody really appreciated it! I slept at 12 midnight you know! I didn't mind! The worst thing is that you guys don't treat me part of the team! I had to fight for the right to be able to go to Etsuko's house, and I and Ariel end up getting termed as slacking! We were doing work! WTH, Etsuko, "who was playing Jay Chou?" You think I like Jay Chou meh? It's YX!
I'm always sinking into oblivion, always your shadows. People call me a follower. They think I'm 'in your gang'. Actually you know, I'm damn pissed with these people. To them: NOT EVERYONE IS LIKE YOU! NOT EVERYONE BEFRIENDS 'POPULAR' OR 'SMART' PEOPLE JUST 'COS THEY CAN BE SPOKEN OF IN THE SAME SENTENCE! One thing's for sure: I don't befriend people the same way YOU do.
I don't befriend Ariel because of her blog. Her supposed skinning ability. Her languages. FYI, ask Ariel if you don't believe me, who was the person who helped her make her first skin? Me!
I don't befriend Etsuko because of her popularity, her brains. In P4, when I first knew her, I was really happy. She was my first friend in Nanyang. When I spoke of her in my bus, my P6 busmates called her 'arrogant'. Some people think like that. Did I care? I did, of course. To me, Etsuko wasn't arrogant! I stuck by her! I know I did stuff that were wrong, that ended up spoiling our relationship, but I still had her in my heart as a friend, through these years. A true friend.
I don't befriend YYX because she's damn smart, 'cos she's a good debater and popular with the teachers. (See above) I think of her as a friend.
I don't mind standing in the shadow, but I want to be someone one day! Someone spoken in the same breath as my friends, not as a shadow but someone solid! Someone people think worthy of following around! (This is an example, not that I want people to follow me ._.)
I follow my heart. Not like some people you wouldn't want to hear of. I treat my friends as true friends, no matter how I'm treated in return. I'm not stupid. I'm not 'acting loyal'.
I'm just following my heart, no matter how tired I am of being that 'shadow'.
I'd had enough. And don't, no you don't, gimme crap answers like I shouldn't be attention-seeking or something.
I already try not to. I can't help it sometimes. I can't help wanting to get praised.
I love my hamsters, because they are the only living things who love me unconditionally. With exception of my family.
:)
-needs to go toilet-
Ah.
This is very anti-climax right?
I don't care what you think OK?
Shoo if you are unhappy :D
Ignore me at school if you must :D
I only care what people I respect and like and love think about me.
Or those who respect or like or love me.
If you are neither,
I really don't give a damn.
Ciao.