today i started to pack
everything in the cupboard,
the years blurred.
i opened drawers and closed
drawers, and saw things
that i never
touched, never did, never
even bothered to pack
neatly, so things of all sorts
like papers, and plastics, rested in the cupboard,
the doors unable to close,
the contents blurred
until i picked them up, my eyes blurred
with tears that never
ever fell before, not even close.
these tears they were packed,
like the things i had in the cupboard,
with emotion. the thing
is, these things -
these exam scripts and plastic files seemed to blur
in the past, all different but the same, the same cupboard,
the same blank states, never
done, carelessly flung until i started to pack.
i looked close,
into the papers, close
into my heart, and i saw things
that i'd secretly packed
tightly into a teeny little blur,
released till i opened the cupboard.
the dusty white cupboard.
i really should've done these papers! closed
the gap between me and what i wanted to be, but i never
did, did i? things
will not be the same! my mind blurs;
this is such a startling fact! i hastily start to pack -
who am i kidding here, really? never have i felt like it was a little me and a huge cupboard
looming above me with the things i packed, squashing me between its walls, closer
and closer still. because, you see, the things i've not done i can never do in time. the years blur.
AH SAD STORM. why are my sestinas so fail? but it's true, really!
things i should've done,
things that i never did - i
cannot do in time.
^ haiku! so much simpler ._.
and okay, today was a smorgasbord of events. namely: dental appointment (BRACES ARE BLUE! dusty pale blue) + starbucks + PACKING + exercising on the exercise bike we've had at home for A-G-E-S. but i exercised for A-G-E-S too D: (you are thinking: no! you have not! in reality, you've exercised for a very short time! you are merely playing with relatives, in a bid to make us, your innocent readers, believe that you are actually making an effort in your sad, pathetic, nonexistent exerciselife! when will you learn, fiona! lying - n'est ce pas! you need to DO THINGS RIGHT.) (omg i have overactive imagination). but 진짜 i did like... 30 minutes of nonstop biking, okay? that counts for something, okay? like, you are totes fit and all, but like, you need to respect me, okay? i'm working on it! 진짜
and now i shall sleep. tomorrow will include biology and chemistry to possibly high (CROSS FINGERS) extents.